Been ages since I updated my blog!!! Best part about moving on is when you realized what you felt, said, did, and wrote, sounds like a complete embarrassment to yourself. So yes, I've deleted some blogpost, and I am glad I would not want to see it anymore. Been busy with dance rehearsal, my mission to save a stray cat I call Boboi, coping with my never-ending workloads, and my obsession with sports, marathon and recently, bootcamp with Coach Esvaran at CosmicFit! Dance performance is in two days time, I'll be posting some photos for sure! Wanted to post recent photo of myself, and then I realized I have not been taking selfie for a long time. Scroll thru old photos in Camera Gallery and saw some selfie of me looked retarded, vain, emo, fake, and mostly, si-beh-hiau ones. "SWT" alot while doing this selfie compilation.
This is the most DECENT photo taken of me - no selfie, no hiau.
Till the next blog (... I have alot of unfinished food-blog to be written!), goodnite ya'all! XOXO!
I've heard people complain that when they reach certain age, their weight hike up like nobody business!
Being 31 this year, I never expected that it would happen to me.
I can't find enough courage to step on the weighing scale, but the weight gain is pretty obvious from photos taken of me, and how certain clothing doesn't fit nicely anymore, and yeah, when people hit me with real honest comments like "Eh.. u gain weight ady leh...!!!".
Being a petite lady with not more than 45kg of body weight all my life, I can't imagine myself being FAT! It would be like a disaster... end of the world!
I woke up from my nap after having nightmares being at 54kg, and I rushed to my wardrobe looking for my dive suit, thinking, worrying "WILL THIS STILL FIT ME?!!" Ahhh.... f*ck if it wouldn't.
Resolution is out, but why is it so darn hard to lose an inch?!!
Have you ever been ignored for a long time by someone u considered a good friend?
Ignoring as in have not been bugging you as often as they used to, messaging you irrelevant stuff just their way of saying "HI", dating you out for a meal etc?
And this happened out of a sudden. Without warning or hint that something is wrong. How does it makes you feel?
I can answer that. It SUCKS.
Coz in all those time that they have ignored you, comes an ultimate question... "WHY? DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?".
I've been in the exact same situation for numerous times last year. And with my attitude for always in need to keeping things straight, would seek for clarification.
In all the situation that I've been ignored, the answer is that they did it on purpose due to some "complicated situation" that they are facing. But I'm glad that we cleared things up and instantly became friends back and turned out to be closer than ever!
But I'm forced to deal with this situation again now. WHAT DID I DO WRONG?
I wish that people could just talk to me. Taking this step is just as good as breaking a friendship, forgetting all the bonding and trust we have built all these while as friends.
What does friendship mean if you can just delete them away from your life?
(I'm actually in deep shit. Adapted a new template but the rest of the function went cuckoo. How to change title of my navigation bar? Why do I need a 'Business' and a 'Parent Category' for?!! Where is the rest of my widgets? What the *toot* is a CSS snippets?!! OMG I'm freaking out... Helppzzz!!! )
Facebook, as a social platform for everyone to share almost everything - from a photo of a roti canai made glamorous using Instagram, to uncommentable status such as "haha I'm so drunk"(wow I'm impressed... drunk still can use FB), to hundred photos of the same rainbow on a particular day, still, Facebook do has its own drawbacks.
In Facebook, we can practically say anything or everything we want! Without having to be responsible for any of it! Yay to freedom of speech!!!
But...
One disadvantages that I can deeply relate to especially today...
Is that... there are things I couldn't say because this genius here added too many office associates!!!
... and I just couldn't find in my right mind to say this out loud... "I REALLY HATE MY JOB!"
So in this case, announcing my REAL FEELINGS for my job do have its consequences. Either I get sent to a boring motivational bootcamp, or I get a not-so-lovely memo.
Well, we can always put our status on PRIVATE. But then, it wouldn't be fun anymore isn't it? Afterall, things are posted for an ultimate reason - ATTENTION.
And I'm amazed by how much attention one could get in FB. How did some FB user's "GOODNIGHT!" status hit 30 likes from fellow FB friends?
It is a long day. One I've not had for a long time. It left me exhausted. At some point, I got so pissed off that I just break down and cry. Not even thinking how I'd looked, then realized that some were staring at me, shocked.
I really did had enough. All I wanted now is a gateway. Be it temporary or permanently, I don't really care.
Having trouble sleeping too. Could it be from all those stress that have built up in me?
Misses my jogging and swimming sessions too. Wishing there are more energy in me to do that.
Eyes opened wide. Guess it will stay this way for the next few weeks to come.
God bless. May I survive the remaining of 2013 and to welcome the new year with a more positive energy.
It was hard to determine what mood should I be in while writing this post.
Things weren't easy for me the past few weeks.
It angers me alot, it sadden me for being misunderstood by people who should know me well, I'm shocked for mean remarks I've received, and I most regretted when my words are always, always, always misinterpreted.
And yet, despite all said above, there are so many things I should be grateful for.
So many people who I know would stand beside me, giving me every bit of positive energy, good vibes and whispering "jia you, jia you" so that I'll overcome whatever troubling me.
These people are ones that helped me stand again.
Here, I just wanted to say sorry to those people I've wronged.
I could apologize many times for not having spent much time with my precious ones, but still, there's nothing much I could do coz daily commitments are taking its toll on me.
And for those I seldom talk to anymore, I wished I could just open up again, but trust me, I would if I hadn't been that tired.
It seemed easier to just spend the nights crying out loud myself against the pillow, and to fall asleep when I'm completely drained out.
So what bothers me most?
Probably expectations from others of me...
"I feel that Joyce should be better this way...."
"Joyce should have do this..."
"Omg... Joyce shouldn't have done that..."
"Isn't that Joyce's responsibilities?"
"Joyce should have talk to me"
"What is she doing with all the time she have on hand? She should.. blah blah blah... "
Oh well, as much as I wanted to say "F*CK THAT!!!" to those people who said the above to me, well, there are CERTAIN people that we can NEVER EVER say that too.... agree?
I was reading the Elite Daily article recently.
About The 20 Things You Need To Let Go To Be Happy...
It says here...
1. The Approval Of Others
Who gives a sh*t what other people think? If you are happy with the decisions you have made, then whose business is that but your own? Think of how much you could achieve if you stopped letting other people’s opinions dictate the way you live your life. Do you, and engage in whatever actions you think might better your life.
The truth is, the approval of an insignificant others doesn't really matters to me.
But what about the significant others who are constantly grumbling about how you should live your life?
And if it is not the way you are supposed to live, that you are not worth the life they had given you?
To go against these conflict is more tiring than I already am.
And usually I am left with no other choice than to swallow hard on those so-called expectations...
And somehow I realized that all this while, my life is designed to live up that nonsense expectations.
After putting on a fight filled with tears sweat and blood
But there is one fight that I will never win
The one I have to endure the pain for as long as I am alive
The one battle that is called..
The Menstrual Pain
Oopsss... Too much details. Again on sick relief at home.
Heard many people say "Get married lah, then no more menstrual pain".
I was like "Duh.. What century u living in? Like it or not, people nowadays already started their 'project' whether they married or not, so u mean that marriage license act like an antidote to your pain ahh!!!" #+$@&%!!!!!
Can't deny that I've been feeling rather lazy recently.
I've taken so many photos of my recent ventures for ramen, good food, and trips.
But could not spare any time to post it up.
Am occupied just living my life.
Eating, exercising, attending weddings, playing with Lexie, and did I mention - WORKING?!!!
Work is wearing me off completely... am exhausted every single f-king day!
Oh ya, I've been busy cultivating a good habit too - sleeping early.
Cousin Cheng told me that the fastest way to lose some of the fats - especially knee fats, is to SLEEP IT OFF!
Seemed like an easy thing to do. So yeah, I'll be piggy-ing for awhile now.
Weight : Extremely slow in losing weight but I'm almost there. Target : 42kg.
Mum said I'm crazy. Others said I've got nothing more to lose.
Me : What you mean?! Tummy, arms buttocks, thighs, oh ya, where's my knees!!!
Mood : Busy. Lazy. Jolly. Talk about flexibility.
Work - Sport - Rest - Work - Sport - Rest - and the cycle never ends.
Missing Barry. Have not seen him for days.
Missing Alicia. Heard she's coping with baby Ayden. Bathing, feeding and poop cleaning.
Missing Rachel. Wonder how is she at Sabah.
Missing ET. As usual. When is he coming back?
Missing the gang (Kayvin, Sharon, Michelle, Azlan & Vivenn). I have to make time to visit Kayvin's cafe soon!
Am making plans for holiday with my bestie. First holiday with Vince. Weird. We have not been for any holiday in that 6 years of courtship. And the first trip that we are going to, is as ex-bf / ex-gf. But irregardless, I know I'm going to enjoy his companionship - as always.
Hope the trip is gonna work out as planned. Especially the diving part.
Some said I've changed. Once Joyce who always seek for serenity, peace, relaxing activities that involves only food and movies, has now changed to swimming, gym, hiking and WHAT? DIVING?!!!
They said I'm weird. As if I'm trying to prove something. Or avoid something.
Prolly all I wanted is to keep myself busy. Distracting me from nonsense thoughts, painful memories, bad feelings.
But the positive side of this is that, Joyce will no longer be the same. She is living her life to the max. Learning new things every single day. Little achievement satisfies her. Big achievement makes her proud. Enough of unhappiness and disappointment. Now Joyce can make herself happy and contented - in her own way - supported or not - she's going to do this.
Bukit Gasing last Saturday. Huff and puff yes. But I did it!
Apek Hill this coming Saturday with Setia Eagles. Will I soar... or sore?!!
The single men and single ladies who have kept me company / needed my company,
seemed to be busy with their own agenda recently.
Makes me wanna ask my friends who have stayed single for awhile now
"How did you manage to stay single all these years?!!!"
8 months have been the longest that I've been out from a relationship.
Still counting.
Don't know how long more.
I actually enjoyed being single.
Not tied up with one particular person.
Or to be dragged along with his activities, his friends, his family etc.
And all those time are catered for my own activities, my friends, my family etc.
The full 8 months of me just pampering myself, just being me, living my life.
All these time I've never realized the potential I have in me.
The things I'm capable of doing.
I've rediscovered my passion for so many wonderful things in life.
Coz finally, I have time to concentrate in nothing but me.
But sometimes I really miss the feeling of being taken.
It's always a blessing to have someone to called "mine".
To be able to love, care and cherish someone.
To be happy just by making someone happy.
To have something to look forward to - could be as simple as a lunch date,
an anniversary, planning for a romantic Valentine's Day,
to save money for a place called home, to have babies together.
To have someone who love me, care for me,
and committed in wanting to spend the rest of his life with me.
The biggest relief is to have someone and knowing that I am not alone,
and will not be alone.
That I will always have someone with me, to make me feel safe.
Someone who assure me that I don't have face any storm alone,
and that the strength of two person combined is always tougher than fighting alone.
Someone whom I know will stick by me through thick and thin,
and will always be with me irregardlessly.
For once, I just don't mind being dragged to his activities.
Meeting his friends is enjoyable because it means
knowing him more and loving the people he treasures.
And every single minute spent with his family is precious coz spending time with his family,
loving and caring for his parents is an act to return all the favors, kindness they have showered him,
and a way of thanking them for nurturing him into becoming someone I love.
Whoever in his life is a part of mine, and it means I've got more people to love me!
So.. Having the best relationship is the balance of both single and in a relationship.
We get to have our own space to express our personal needs to be with our own friends,
spend a few hours to read our girly book without disturbance,
to go for spa and massages for some alone-time etc.
And yet we get to enjoy each other's company just like what couples do in a relationship.
I get to do all these in my past relationship.
I thank all my previous partners for letting me be me, accepting me who I am,
and helped me grow - not containing me in their perceived relationship / ideal image of life together.
Being single now is something new for me.
8 months is not enough of time for me to get used to.
There are alot of things I missed and had forgotten how it feels like when being in a relationship.
I misses those time when I can talk to someone throughout the night - and realized
"WTF! How did we talked for 3-4 hours non-stop every single night
and yet it seemed like there's whole load more to talk about?!!"
I misses those time when mum asked
"Did you sleep talk yesterday night? Heard you laughing at 3am in the morning!"
but in fact I just had one of the best conversation with that special someone.
Sense of humour is the fire, passion, and root of a healthy relationship.
I misses someone who I can talk to just about anything and everything without being judged.
Someone who I can call my life partner without losing him as my best friend.
I misses someone who is being himself and not pretending to be someone he is not.
Being with someone who is TRUE gives me sense of security that makes a relationship last.
I misses someone who I can do crazy things with,
talk stupid with, and we both could laugh at the same old jokes over and over again.
I want someone to pillow fight, water fight, tickle, bite, and do all the stupid things with!
Why don't anyone believe whenever there is a self-declaration of my status?
Is being single so hard to believe?
They said... I have "high standards".
They thought I'm looking for some kind of rich, handsome and romantic prince charming.
Which era are they living in?
Don't they know that HE does't exist?
As simple as it may be. Or as hard for people to believe in.
I just need someone who I can feel comfortable with, can have alot of laughter with,
the same one person who I don't mind talking to until we are in old age,
and someone who makes me feel secure now, and in the future.
Someone who will do his best in letting me know that I'm the only one - always and forever.
But until that someone arrives with God's plan,
I would want to enjoy my life.
There's so much more to do and learn.
I want to climb up the highest mountain.
I want to fly with the birds, swim with the fishes.
To sing my heart out and for once, sound good - not like a frog!
To cook like a true Nyonya.
To bake my favourite cake and pastries.
To make up, dress up, and break some guy's heart.
And when I'm done and tired of all the above,
maybe I'll opt for something more relaxing.
Like spending some peaceful time with friends.
If you are one of the lucky ones who receive my call,
make sure you don't decline my invitation else you gonna be sorry!!!
And during the journey of self discovery, I would love to find someone who will
always makes me feel WANTED every single day... (even when I'm old, with freckles, crinkles, toothless etc)
Which the needle pointed at the figure that tells me my weight,
My jaw dropped open looking in disbelief,
When I look clearly knowing it's a mistake,
"Ahaa! Weighing scale rosak!" I said,
Come down, go up again, take deep breath, look down,
WHAT?!! THE SAME???
"Nevermind.. Maybe I just had my dinner, will try some other day"
-------------------------
Tried getting up the weighing scale again this morning,
Can't help but feeling sorry,
That everytime I have to fulfill my cravings,
With friends that never tried to stop me from being silly,
Whatsmore realizing that none had warn me that supper is fattening,
Should tell me there are some food that although is yummy,
But worth avoiding,
And me resisting,
Although I know but I couldn't help but eating,
Still, they should at least give me a warning,
Some of them even bought chocolates ice cream and snacks for my pampering,
Bad ass friends they are, as what I'm calling,
Now I'm scared to death everytime I'm weighing,
Hoping to the left the needle goes pointing,
To the gym is where I'm going,
As there are some weights need losing,
Now I am self-declaring myself a FATTY !!!
You people sending me
chocolates
ice cream
snacks.
How can I let it sit there in my room
just staring at me???
Irresistible!!!
Chocolates from hippo - I haven't finish it yet.
Ice cream from Barry - just finished it.
And now struggling with Gelare ice cream from hippo.
Snacks and chocolates from bro, Moon, Vince.... omg omg omg!!!
Marshmallow from Michelle, yummy white coffee from Kai Lee and the rest is fat fat fat!
Yummy, sweet, fattening..
And we have heard million times
that supper is fattening..
To maintain / lose weight, strictly no food after 8pm.
But still???
Was hungry late at night and Barry brought me for supper.
PIZZA HUT?!!!
Hooii... fast food loaded with cheese.. FAT!!!
New Year's eve dinner with Vince & Rachel - late night shouldn't have ice-cream ady.. :'(
Our new year's eve dinner. My hotdog with lots of fries. Fattening? U say lah..
Rocket leaf with smoked salmon salad and almond flakes for supper..
... this is healthy but what comes next?
Cheese melting pizza. Cool for supper???? So noootttt!!!
Very late dinner at Bubba Gump, The Curve with Barry
Seafood - where everything is deep fried.
Prawns... yuhmiee...
Straight to my favourite waffle Gelare at e@curve after Bubba Gump.
Stuffing my stomach to the max.
Stomach was practically bloated when this photo was taken.
But can still fit a waffle and a good cup of cappuccino?
Recent lavish dinner at V Garden Restaurant where dinner starts at 8.45pm,
and ends at 10.30pm. Lots of food, but only this is yummylicious!
Got a sudden craving for satay when I wake up from an afternoon nap
where I dreamt about having buffet with yummylicious satay!
Roam around the town with Vince and finally found
my satay at the fourth stop.
10 sticks of chicken satay, 5 sticks of satay babi,
fried lala with egg and 3 pieces of grilled chicken.
Vince as usual over-ordered.
Asam ikan pari and sotong is nice, and I wallop it all !!!
See what's keeping my food hunting going?
How could one resist such good food the world has to offer?
No wonder I'm FAT.
No more snacks and supper for me!
You guys better stop me whenever my food craving is back !!!
This blog started in 2008 as a personal space with the only intent to express my feelings of which are left unsaid to people whom I find communication deemed impossible.
It then slowly turns into a blog filled with words and photos of good food, travel, and also constant ranting of my life.
Looking back at those years, always reminds me of who I was, I am, and how I have changed as a person.
Friday, April 18, 2014
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