Opening up again...

It was hard to determine what mood should I be in while writing this post.

Things weren't easy for me the past few weeks. 

It angers me alot, it sadden me for being misunderstood by people who should know me well, I'm shocked for mean remarks I've received, and I most regretted when my words are always, always, always misinterpreted. 

And yet, despite all said above, there are so many things I should be grateful for. 

So many people who I know would stand beside me, giving me every bit of positive energy, good vibes and whispering "jia you, jia you" so that I'll overcome whatever troubling me. 

These people are ones that helped me stand again. 

Here, I just wanted to say sorry to those people I've wronged. 

I could apologize many times for not having spent much time with my precious ones, but still, there's nothing much I could do coz daily commitments are taking its toll on me. 

And for those I seldom talk to anymore, I wished I could just open up again, but trust me, I would if I hadn't been that tired. 

It seemed easier to just spend the nights crying out loud myself against the pillow, and to fall asleep when I'm completely drained out.

So what bothers me most? 

Probably expectations from others of me... 

"I feel that Joyce should be better this way...."

"Joyce should have do this..."

"Omg... Joyce shouldn't have done that..."

"Isn't that Joyce's responsibilities?"

"Joyce should have talk to me"

"What is she doing with all the time she have on hand? She should.. blah blah blah... "

Oh well, as much as I wanted to say "F*CK THAT!!!" to those people who said the above to me, well, there are CERTAIN people that we can NEVER EVER say that too.... agree? 

I was reading the Elite Daily article recently. 

About The 20 Things You Need To Let Go To Be Happy...

It says here... 

1. The Approval Of Others

Who gives a sh*t what other people think? If you are happy with the decisions you have made, then whose business is that but your own? Think of how much you could achieve if you stopped letting other people’s opinions dictate the way you live your life. Do you, and engage in whatever actions you think might better your life.

The truth is, the approval of an insignificant others doesn't really matters to me. 

But what about the significant others who are constantly grumbling about how you should live your life? 

And if it is not the way you are supposed to live, that you are not worth the life they had given you?

To go against these conflict is more tiring than I already am. 

And usually I am left with no other choice than to swallow hard on those so-called expectations... 

And somehow I realized that all this while, my life is designed to live up that nonsense expectations. 

This life, is an unhappy one.

Wish to be heard, and to be free.