Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Weight : Extremely slow in losing weight but I'm almost there.
Target : 42kg.

Mum said I'm crazy. Others said I've got nothing more to lose.
Me : What you mean?! Tummy, arms buttocks, thighs, oh ya, where's my knees!!!

Mood : Busy. Lazy. Jolly. Talk about flexibility.

Work - Sport - Rest - Work - Sport - Rest - and the cycle never ends.

Missing Barry. Have not seen him for days.
Missing Alicia. Heard she's coping with baby Ayden. Bathing, feeding and poop cleaning.
Missing Rachel. Wonder how is she at Sabah.
Missing ET. As usual. When is he coming back?
Missing the gang (Kayvin, Sharon, Michelle, Azlan & Vivenn). I have to make time to visit Kayvin's cafe soon!

Am making plans for holiday with my bestie. First holiday with Vince. Weird. We have not been for any holiday in that 6 years of courtship. And the first trip that we are going to, is as ex-bf / ex-gf. But irregardless, I know I'm going to enjoy his companionship - as always.

Hope the trip is gonna work out as planned. Especially the diving part.

Some said I've changed. Once Joyce who always seek for serenity, peace, relaxing activities that involves only food and movies, has now changed to swimming, gym, hiking and WHAT? DIVING?!!!

They said I'm weird. As if I'm trying to prove something. Or avoid something.

Prolly all I wanted is to keep myself busy. Distracting me from nonsense thoughts, painful memories, bad feelings.

But the positive side of this is that, Joyce will no longer be the same. She is living her life to the max. Learning new things every single day. Little achievement satisfies her. Big achievement makes her proud. Enough of unhappiness and disappointment. Now Joyce can make herself happy and contented - in her own way - supported or not - she's going to do this.

Bukit Gasing last Saturday. Huff and puff yes. But I did it!
Apek Hill this coming Saturday with Setia Eagles. Will I soar... or sore?!!

So... wish me luck!

Till the next boring post, ADIOS and TAKE CARE!!!

Friday, May 3, 2013

Thanks God I've made it through Thursday.

It has been a boring week!

The single men and single ladies who have kept me company / needed my company,
 seemed to be busy with their own agenda recently.

Makes me wanna ask my friends who have stayed single for awhile now 
"How did you manage to stay single all these years?!!!"

8 months have been the longest that I've been out from a relationship.
Still counting. 
Don't know how long more.

I actually enjoyed being single.

Not tied up with one particular person.
Or to be dragged along with his activities, his friends, his family etc.
And all those time are catered for my own activities, my friends, my family etc.

The full 8 months of me just pampering myself, just being me, living my life.
All these time I've never realized the potential I have in me.
The things I'm capable of doing.
I've rediscovered my passion for so many wonderful things in life.
Coz finally, I have time to concentrate in nothing but me.

But sometimes I really miss the feeling of being taken.

It's always a blessing to have someone to called "mine".
To be able to love, care and cherish someone.
To be happy just by making someone happy.
To have something to look forward to - could be as simple as a lunch date,
an anniversary, planning for a romantic Valentine's Day,
to save money for a place called home, to have babies together.
To have someone who love me, care for me,
and committed in wanting to spend the rest of his life with me.

The biggest relief is to have someone and knowing that I am not alone,
and will not be alone.
That I will always have someone with me, to make me feel safe.
Someone who assure me that I don't have face any storm alone,
and that the strength of two person combined is always tougher than fighting alone.
Someone whom I know will stick by me through thick and thin,
and will always be with me irregardlessly.

For once, I just don't mind being dragged to his activities.
Meeting his friends is enjoyable because it means 
knowing him more and loving the people he treasures.
And every single minute spent with his family is precious coz spending time with his family,
loving and caring for his parents is an act to return all the favors, kindness they have showered him, 
and a way of thanking them for nurturing him into becoming someone I love.

Whoever in his life is a part of mine, and it means I've got more people to love me!

So.. Having the best relationship is the balance of both single and in a relationship.

We get to have our own space to express our personal needs to be with our own friends, 
spend a few hours to read our girly book without disturbance, 
to go for spa and massages for some alone-time etc.
And yet we get to enjoy each other's company just like what couples do in a relationship.

I get to do all these in my past relationship.
I thank all my previous partners for letting me be me, accepting me who I am, 
and helped me grow - not containing me in their perceived relationship / ideal image of life together.

Being single now is something new for me.
8 months is not enough of time for me to get used to.

There are alot of things I missed and had forgotten how it feels like when being in a relationship.

I misses those time when I can talk to someone throughout the night - and realized 
"WTF! How did we talked for 3-4 hours non-stop every single night 
and yet it seemed like there's whole load more to talk about?!!"

I misses those time when mum asked 
"Did you sleep talk yesterday night? Heard you laughing at 3am in the morning!" 
but in fact I just had one of the best conversation with that special someone. 
Sense of humour is the fire, passion, and root of a healthy relationship. 

I misses someone who I can talk to just about anything and everything without being judged.
Someone who I can call my life partner without losing him as my best friend.

I misses someone who is being himself and not pretending to be someone he is not. 
Being with someone who is TRUE gives me sense of security that makes a relationship last. 

I misses someone who I can do crazy things with,
talk stupid with, and we both could laugh at the same old jokes over and over again.
I want someone to pillow fight, water fight, tickle, bite, and do all the stupid things with!

Why don't anyone believe whenever there is a self-declaration of my status?
Is being single so hard to believe?
They said...  I have "high standards".

They thought I'm looking for some kind of rich, handsome and romantic prince charming.
Which era are they living in?
Don't they know that HE does't exist?

As simple as it may be. Or as hard for people to believe in.
I just need someone who I can feel comfortable with, can have alot of laughter with, 
the same one person who I don't mind talking to until we are in old age
and someone who makes me feel secure now, and in the future.
Someone who will do his best in letting me know that I'm the only one - always and forever.

But until that someone arrives with God's plan,
I would want to enjoy my life.
There's so much more to do and learn.
I want to climb up the highest mountain.
I want to fly with the birds, swim with the fishes.
To sing my heart out and for once, sound good - not like a frog!
To cook like a true Nyonya.
To bake my favourite cake and pastries.
To make up, dress up, and break some guy's heart.

And when I'm done and tired of all the above,
maybe I'll opt for something more relaxing.
Like spending some peaceful time with friends.

If you are one of the lucky ones who receive my call, 
make sure you don't decline my invitation else you gonna be sorry!!!

And during the journey of self discovery, I would love to find someone who will
 always makes me feel WANTED every single day...
(even when I'm old, with freckles, crinkles, toothless etc)

Hunter Hayes - Wanted (Lyric Video)