Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The Silent Treatment

Definition : an aloof refusal to speak to someone you know ; Maintenance of aloof silence toward another as an expression of one's anger or disapproval

My question : Would you prefer to resolve an argument by talking and argue your way through it OR giving silent treatment and hoping that things will be back to the way it was after a few days of ignoring each other?

Do you remember how your parents used to scold you when you did a mistake? They would shoot you repeatedly like machine gun..and you wish they have a "mute button" on them for you to press?

How about those times where they are too tired of scolding you for making some bigger mistakes, or mistakes which you have done again and again that they are too tired to be scolding you on the same thing?

Seriously, it is alot scarier when they keep quite after I did something wrong. It's like "Scold me! Hit me! Do whatever you wan! Just don't ignore me!". Cause when they do that, I feel like I disappoint them to the max that they don't even care anymore. On the other hand, when they scold, you can see all sorts of expression they have - anger, madness, sadness - means they care. As much irritation they cause by scolding, to me, it is still alot better than giving me silent treatment.

Recently, I know how it felt to be too angry till a point where you don't feel like talking anymore. You may try to advise, explain, argue but you will end up stopping yourself from speaking, deleting the e-mail/SMS you are writing etc because deep inside, you know IT IS POINTLESS. Regardless of what you say, you know the other person would not understand and will not react upon, and same thing will re-occur. It is the repeated mistakes that made you fed-up and you will don't BOTHER TO SAY ANYTHING ANYMORE.

Here is a simple indication of my anger.

Angry - scold gao gao and argue till I get a satisfactory explanation or come to a win-win situation.

Freaking mad - Don't even bother to hear what you have to say cause it is all EXCUSES, EXCUSES AND MORE EXCUSES, and will not bother to respond. Will not even bother to resolve the problem as it is POINTLESS.

So my rival should be happy if I scold them, as it indicate glimpse of hope towards reconciliation. But if my answer is "OK", "Yes", "No", "Anything", "Whatever", you better get ready to wave goodbye to me.

Recently, I was annoyed to the max. And I just don't bother. Basically gave up. But I wasn't giving the silent treatment. I just don't blardey care anymore. :)


I guess what annoyed me the most is to belittled. I admit that I do not possess any unique skill, own a professional career, or have the most perfect personality to win a word of praise by anyone, or deserve any type of recognition.

But...

No one have the right to belittle me.
No one should make me feel like I am a less important person.
No one should shut me off.
No one should shoossh me from talking.
No one should portray rudeness and disrespect towards me.
(these come from a person who have high level of egoism and dignity)

I seriously think the above is an end to any type of relationship of friendship as it is INTOLERABLE. Foundation of a healthy relationship or friendship is based on respect. If a person belittle you, then it is your turn to shut them off cause they are not making you a better person.

A healthy relationship or friendship should have these:-

1) That person would always install positive thoughts when you are filled with negative ones
2) That person is the person whom you know you can rely on for support and advices
3) That person always know how to cheer you up when you are down, or at least try rather than asking you to suck up your problem like an adult!
4) That person is a role model for you to see, learn and practice
5) That person leads you to continuous improvement and eventually a better life
6) That person does not bring you down with their problem but ask for your advice and support just like how you will
7) That person respect you and put you above or in par with them to share problems with, and always wanting to know what you feel / think about everything
8) That person will not make you feel bad or less good about yourself
9) That person always ask you to be true to yourself and love you just the way you are
10) That person should not treat you as a punching bag regardless of how mad they are
11) That person gives you the love, care and respect just like everyone deserves
12) That person does not wait for the right time to treat you good, and give excuses for treating you bad, and treat you better when they feel like it
13) That person should always love you and dare to show it
14) Honesty is the best policy - That person should never try to lie to you, or try to fool you.
15) That person will never look down nor criticize you - regardless of how many flaws you have.
16) That person should not be a reminder of your mistakes or weaknesses
17) That person makes you a better person, always advise you to be good to others, helps you improve morally, spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically.

YES, the above is ALOT TO EXPECT.


As what "Did you hear about The Morgans" movie said, you should always expect from your partner and not just wait for them to deliver what they can.
See quotes below...

"It's all about people's expectations that their spouse will be the answer to all their problems when, in fact, they should be facing reality and not asking their partners for more than they can give."

”You should expect everything from each other. Marriage don’t make any sense. You gotta stop thinking about it, get over the bullshit and make it work.”

"I want you to expect everything from me. You are not gonna get it, but I’m gonna try.”

That's just my two-cents thoughts about a basic relationship with family, lifetime partner and friends. If you found a person who possess the above qualities, grab them quick and marry them instantly as you might have just found your soul mate!

It's past midnight and I'm here mumbling all by myself. Guess am kinda in a thinking mode now.

2 comments :

Barry Yap said...

"He who repeats what he does not understand is no better than an ass that is loaded with books." --- Kahlil Gibran

Joyce Yap said...

He who repeats the same mistake is an IDIOT!