Saturday, July 17, 2010

Yesterday night I have trouble sleeping.

My mind was spinning, and the constant spin kind of inspire me to jot something here.

While I was doing the last thought before I shut down my brain, I was trying to figure out the biggest question in my life so far "Why do I have to please everyone I know?".

Well see, I'm a people pleaser. I have always, and still am, trying to make people like me in any way possible. It might sound pathetic, but I believe for one reason, this is crucial to make sure we co-exist in peace in this life. If we live in hatred, and knowing people hate us, how suck would life be? It will also lower one self-esteem knowing they are not good enough to make people like em'. That is why, I have always wanted to be liked by others. To live happily, you see?

But... yesterday was different. Instead of answering "Why do I have to please everyone I know?" question, memories flashback to my mind, thinking how others can still find reason to hate me despite my effort to be nice. Sooo... my mind went BANG!!! YOU KNOW WHAT!!! I HAD ENOUGH!!! YOU CAN GO TAKE A SPOON AND EAT YOUR ASS!!! YEAH, YOU HEARD ME.. THOSE OF YOU WHO DON'T LIKE ME AS A PERSON, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY LIFE COZ I'M AIN'T GONNA GIVE YOU SHIT!!!

WOW... That was like the biggest discovery of myself for ages!!! It's true indeed. Why do I have to dwell about people who won't love me or even like me? They are not worth my time, attention, and love! I had my mind thinking for so long what I did wrong! I was sad, devastated, mad and angry of myself!!! And you know what, these mean people just don't worth the time I spent thinking, and the tears I've cried!!!

I, from now onwards.. will only appreciate those who love and care for me. And those who are not, you guys will just be my "side dish" now. I can survive with, and even without it.

So from this moment on, everytime I go to sleep, I'll make sure I have a reason to keep myself smiling tomorrow! :)