Friday, June 4, 2010

Heart feeling so heavy out of a sudden and all I could think of is "blog it out!"

Isn't it weird when you keep telling yourself that you'll be fine, you'll be fine, you'll be fine, repeating it just to console yourself.. and when you are finally fine, how easily people get to hurt you again and realized that you only get to be strong for that one moment, and continue to be fragile for the rest of the time?

I told someone whom I chat with in MSN the other day, that he should love his life, and shouldn't depend on someone else to determine how he feels i.e. that his life will no longer be screwed up if he managed to find a girlfriend. I was thinking at that time "OMG.. just by saying this, you are already screwed up! How can you love someone if you don't learn to love yourself?".

Things are easier said than done -- I give you this! Cause I am too, depending on others to determine if I'm going to be happy, or sad! I asked myself "Why are you so stupid.. to give people the absolute power and total control to determine your mood?! Can't you control it yourself?!"

Love yourself Joyce! Want to plant that quote in my head. It stays for like a few seconds, and "puff!!" GONE just because I get a sms/call/news in FB about certain thing.. Why am I so weak? Why doesn't the pain I bear all these while, make me stronger?

The pain just kept getting into me that I'm feeling so sick now. Feel like a sick person. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not a emo person in nature, and not born depressed. I have got all these wonderful and positive thoughts with me.. it's just that, it is buried too far inside me that I have problem reaching it sometimes.

So yeah, I'll be fine soon. I'll be fine soon. I'll be fine soon.