...still standing!!!

I finally took the decision I'm forced to make.. there's no turning point.. but there's deferment though.. not sure if I'm gonna make it next year.. but it's worth a try.. (if I manage to raise enough money by myself)..

The decision really isn't that hard to make. Simply because "no money, no talk" policy, there are no way that I can insist in going. I never saw this coming.. The deposit I paid, weeks of dreadful article reading, stationeries and other stuff I bought to prepare myself to UK.. it's all being put away now.. It's the biggest BULLSHIT that has ever happened in my life!

Besides feeling sorry for myself, I feel really guilty. Jes and I have been talking about cooking there in UK, me to live with her solely vegetarian food, and to make a "party room" and a "study room" if there's a vacant room in our flat. We had alot of laughters and crazy imagination on how to spend our 3-months there. After the fact hits me hard, I realized I won't be able to be there with her to spend the fun moments. It's the first time I felt like I "mungkir janji" to someone, and I can't tell how bad I feel. Although I know that she have plenty of friends there to have just as much fun, I just feel so... hmmm... like "I fong her fei gei".. It's like all those conversation about what we're gonna do there, are lies that I made up. All we talked about is fun, hopeful, crazy, but it's all a lie. This is how I feel about myself.. I know Jes never feel this way, it's just how I feel.. and I'm really sorry about it Jes.. I really do..

Haih...

Suddenly the plan to LJMU is gone.. so what's next for me? To look for a job enough for me to save RM30k in a year time like becoming a sales executive in banks? Or to be a freelance promoter for the whole year?

Or.. if I should concentrate in getting a job that gives me good prospect instead of considering the pay they gonna give me? I'm just so lost..

During internship, I've realized that advertising agency is a "hard to survive" field. The hectic life, never ending task, rushing to meet deadlines and stuff.. it might not work for a simple and laid back person like me. However, if I enter other field that is non-advertising related, isn't my education a waste??!!! Other field may allow me to spend more time with family and friends, but is it worth it to start from scratch??!!!

There are many junctions in life, making a left and right turn makes alot of differences. As it's either gonna bring you to the right destination or being totally lost - possibly dead end!

Never thought I would need to make this decision.. LJMU have always been in my plan list. So it's true that things don't necessarily go as planned.. and you always need to have a plan B. I do hope my plan B will be drafted and executed soon..

*hit my harder and I'll still be standing!!!*