1 line humour

1 line humour

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway..

[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something

[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!

[22]
Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.

[23] Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

[24]
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!

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I wonder how.. I wonder why..

Wonder why I have all those quotes filling up my blog spaces?

I just need to be reminded...

I need self brain wash...

I need to feel better...

I'm worried, in trouble, and needed advice...

Those quotes are all I have...

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Life Is a GIFT

Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.


Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.


Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.


Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who died too early on this earth.


Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires children but they're barren...


Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.


Before whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.


And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.


But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us is without sin.


And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and think: you're alive and still around.

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A message from GOD

To: YOU

Date: TODAY

From: GOD

Subject: YOURSELF

Reference: LIFE


This is God. Today I will be handling All of your problems for you. I do Not need your help.. So, have a nice day. I love you.


P.S. And, remember...


If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do Not attempt to resolve it yourself! Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. I will get to it in MY TIME. All situations will be resolved, but in My time, not yours.


Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold onto it by worrying about it. Instead, focus on all the wonderful things that are present in your life now.


If you find yourself stuck in traffic, don't despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege.


Should you have a bad day at work; think of the man who has been out of work for years.


Should you despair over a relationship gone bad; think of the person who has never known what it's like to love and be loved in return.


Should you grieve the passing of another weekend; think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children.


Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance; think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk.


Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror; think of the cancer patient in chemo who wishes she had hair to examine.


Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking what is my purpose? Be thankful. There are those who didn't live long enough to get the opportunity.


Should you find yourself the victim of other people's bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities; remember, things could be worse. You could be one of them!

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